Finding Inspiration in the Now

It's been a while since I have written a blog post. I realized today after reading Lauren Kaufman's recent blog entitled It's the Small Things, that I write when I am inspired. I am inspired when I am excited about something- a possible solution, an idea that is new, a moment of collaboration, a connection. Recently, I have found myself looking ahead instead of looking around at where I am. 

Let me explain. This has been a year of change. In 2019, after 17 years of teaching, I earned my Administrator credential. I wasn't sure what I wanted to pursue with the credential but I knew that what I was being asked to do in my roles as a chair of a Design Thinking Pathway and TOSA (Teacher on Special Assignment) for my school district were taking me to a place of Educational Leadership. It took me some time to accept this, but once I did, I couldn't un-feel it. I am one of those people that moves along just fine, until something shakes me, and I had been shook. I started reading more, writing more, and speaking more, and began to find my voice in this education landscape. 

I was never a teacher who said I want to be a Principal. It really was never part of my plan but I came to realize that I liked being part of the decision making, coaching of educators, and supporting of students. But now, I had some big decisions to make. Should I continue in the school district where I saw myself retiring, where I had planned for my own three children to go to high school? Or, was it time to stop basing my decisions that far in the future and instead find my inspiration in the now. The following year, an administrator position opened at my school. This did not happen often. This was a district of two high schools and very seasoned teachers. No one left, they retired. I applied and was not selected for an interview at my own school. I will admit, it was a bruise to the ego and honestly not how I will handle things as a leader one day, but instead of wallowing, I went to my associate superintendent who had suggested I get my administrator credential in the first place and asked for some advice. She helped connect me to people in the school district who I could ask questions to, shadow, or meet with to learn about other aspects of administration. When another position opened at the other high school in the district, I applied. This was for a part time position and after a long process, I was offered the job. I was asked one question/statement during the second or third round of interviews that made me pause, "We are worried about your commitment to this position. We are worried that you will leave soon and our school has had enough change and would like some longevity." This was a moment that sat with me and I am very proud of my response. I was honest and said, "This is a part time administrator position, I would hope that you would want to help me to grow and learn and expand this into a full time position. If that isn't your goal then yes, I will rightfully be pursuing other opportunities eventually. I would hope to not be a part time administrator forever and I want to be in a school district that wants to help its leaders to grow."

I was offered the role, accepted, and went on vacation with my family to Disney World. While on vacation, I was informed about a job in another school district that might be of interest. The role was to support EdTech for a much larger K-12 school district of 30 schools and the salary was higher than I would be making balancing being an administrator and TOSA at my current district. I had to consider it. While it was hard to call the leaders and tell them that I needed to pursue this opportunity, I called and spoke to each and every person individually. I was honest and up front and at the same time, I knew I was doing what was best for me. This new district was also opening a Design Thinking High School and it felt like everything was falling into place. When a Vice Principal position opened recently for the new high school, I applied, got an interview and then just before break, I got an email saying that I did not get the position. Here we go again. I have spent this Winter Break thinking about why I wasn't taken for what I thought was a position I had been built for. But, as this 2021 comes to a close, I have realized a few things. First, I don't want to work for someone that does not want me. Second, when I am a leader, I plan to call internal candidates who are not selected and have a human conversation where I am upfront, honest, and provide some feedback and support. Third, my EdTech TOSA job is pretty wonderful. I am connecting with administrators, district leaders, and teachers and am in charge of my own goals. I do not bring work home. Let me say that again, I do not bring work home. I have never been able to say this in 19 years as an educator. I have been spending so much time focusing on what could be, that I forgot to stop and find inspiration in the now. 

This is my new goal: Find Inspiration in the Now. I know I am my best self when I am inspired but I need to actively seek and find inspiration in my current role. I cannot wait for it to find me. My current position also affords me the time to write and speak and share. I need to remember the value in that. I think the hardest part is that after half of my career, I am now in a new district and I forgot what it feels like to be new. I took that all for granted. Ironically, I just wrote a chapter in Because of a Teacher on "Advice I Would Give to My First Year Teacher Self" and I think I need to reread the book to remember that being in a new place brings lots of uncertainty but it is also brings lots of opportunity. I haven't written a lot because I was waiting to know the end to my story, but the truth is that I will never know the end and I shouldn't. I will choose to focus on what I can control. I will be inspired in the now, make the most of this opportunity I have been given, and learn from every moment. One of the tenants of the pathway I chaired was to help students focus on failure as an opportunity for growth and I must once again walk the path I asked of my students. These moments of choice and change have made me stronger and I know for sure that the right next step is out there. Instead of focusing on what is next, my choice for 2022 is to find inspiration in the now and I look forward to sharing all that I discover.